


bedøvet av rødvin og akevitt

by ObamasCeilingFan



Category: SKAM (Norway), SKAM (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Blowjobs, Christianity, Evak - Freeform, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Masturbation, Penetrator!Even, Season 1, The Penetrators - Freeform, and marijuana lmao 420 blaze, babyboy!isak, badboy!even, boy squad yo, closet!isak, even loves pet names, fear of God, kinda sad? idk bro, oh yeah and drinking, pinning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2018-11-13
Packaged: 2018-11-13 15:07:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11187669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObamasCeilingFan/pseuds/ObamasCeilingFan
Summary: i'm a slut for penetrator!even, and in this fic, isak is too.or in which the penetrators are known for hooking with whoever they want, and a closet-case isn't going to stop even.





	1. "the blonde one in the snapback, he's mine."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a first year catches even's eye, and his target is set.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi all! welcome to this shit show.
> 
> i have written this so isak, jonas, even, mahdi, magnus - you know all of those kiddos - are first years. i also wrote even in as a third year, and having always been a nissen student, being a part of the penetrators all three years he's been attending.
> 
> lets get on with it then

_**ONSDAG** _

**15:36**

 

" _f_ _aen,_ there's this first year who i am definitely going for on  _fredag_. that red haired one, eva i think. she's into me, and she's really god damn sexy." was the first thing even heard coming from his friend, chris, when he approached his group of friends and fellow bus-mates.

 

he rolled his eyes, slotting himself beside the bragging brunette, replacing the spot of the long haired blonde boy who he didn't remember the name of, "chris don't even try, this eva girl probably isn't even into you and your desperate attempt at flirting." he smirked, shoving his handing into the front pocket of his sweatshirt and bumping his shoulder against chris' to receive a chorus of laughter from the other members of their bus that were standing around them.

 

chris scoffed, placing a hand over his heart feigning hurt, then firing back with, "who are you to talk about desperate mr. _extra-bech-næsheim_? are we just going to pretend that paper towel thing you tried with mikael didn't happen?" he teased, calling even by the name of his instagram handle. this caused the surrounding group to let out lighter, more forced, chuckles; the older members catching the stab at of the sensitive topic, better than the newer members. luckily, before chris could make another distasteful joke, william - the 'bus boss' so-to-say - joined them. as per-usual, william got straight to business, discussing the plans for upcoming parties. even zoned out, not interested in hearing the 'bus talk' he had grown bored of hearing over the last three years.

 

he glanced over the other groups standing in the court yard, looking for anything interesting. his wish was almost immediately granted when even's focus had shifted entirely onto another, smaller, group. they all looked young, around the same age as the new first years in _th_ _e penetrators_. they were standing casually huddled together a few feet away from them. what caught his attention was one entrancingly beautiful boy in that group. even was transfixed on this gorgeous boy, from the way his blonde hair formed waves that looked golden, to the way his dark green bomber jacket hung ever-so-slightly off his frame and made him look like a model in the most natural setting.

 

even watched as a dark skinned boy, also inside the group, took a light grey snapback off of his shaved head and placed it over the glimmering waves, emitting a laugh from this absolutely stunning boy, his thin pink lips pulling up into a breath taking smile, as he lifted the cap off his head to mess with his hair before setting it back onto his head. oh, and now he's looking, _god_ , those lips, how he wished he could get a closer,  _more personal_ , look at them. he couldn't help but wonder what they'd be like up close, inches from his face, how they would feel pressed against his own, wrapped around his-

 

"what about even, any first year you're after?" david, an indonesian exchange student who had joined _the penetrators_ last year, asked, pulling him away from his previous off-railed train of thought. even licked his lips, tearing his eyes off the boy and to his friends who were all looking at him curiously, and slowly nodded in response. he pulled his hand out of the front pocket of his warm _penetrators_ sweatshirt that matched the ones that boys surrounding him wore, and motioned over to the group of boys he had just set his eyes on, that were now making their way away from his own group and towards the entry doors of the school.

 

" _ja,_  the blonde one in the snapback. he's mine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much taking the time to read!
> 
> you're welcome to leave some kudos and comment critiques, questions, rants, start a conversation, or drop some links to other great fics!
> 
> remember every moment of the day matters, so make the most of every second you have.
> 
> until next time!


	2. "isak, isak valtersen. first year."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just your favorite underage gay stoner and his buddies at a party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay wow the first chapter got so many positive reviews in less than 12 hours? thank you so much guys

_**FREDAG**_

**21:45**

 

jonas unwrapped his lips from around the makeshift water bottle bong, letting out the smoke as he spoke, "okay but am i the only one who's against buses?" he, isak, mahdi, and magnus were sitting in a room, presumably an office, sprawled across the hardwood floor in a circle, tuning out the loud chatter from the party outside the locked door.

 

he passed the bottle to isak, watching his best friend take a long hit as mahdi spoke, "jonas, i swear to god, every time we get high you get all political."

 

"but i'm just telling the truth! they thrive off a capitalistic nature! using each member to-" isak stood up, coughing and cutting jonas' rant off as he announced he was going to try and find them food. he walked out of the office and into the mass of bodies that were outside the door. isak was still unsure who's party this was or who any of these people who were, which meant he actually had no idea where he'd find the kitchen. he walked up to the tall back of a guy clad in a button up shirt, tapping the guy on the shoulder. the guy turned around and greeted isak with a confused look that slowly pulled into a grin.

 

* * *

 

this was almost too perfect for even, somehow this gorgeous boy found him all by himself, "how can i help you pretty boy?" 

 

the smaller boy blinked, obviously thrown off by the pet name, but stated his reasoning, "do you know where i'd find some food?" even nodded, a smirk still plastered onto his face. he grabbed the other boy's wrist and lead him through the crowds, not missing the subtle knowing smirks his friends threw at him when they realized just who even was dragging along, to the oddly, but conveniently, empty kitchen. once they were there he released the shorter's wrist and dramatically gestured around.

 

"here we are gorgeous!"

 

even grabbed an unopened can of beer off the counter, popping open the tin can and began slowly nursing the drink while watching the other boy immediately begin sifting through the cabinets. he leaned against the counter top, eyes glued to the beauty before him, and bit his lip when watching the other bend down as he searched for something deep in the cabinet. "what's you're name gorgeous?"

 

the other turned around, glancing over to the stranger with what would seem like an unimpressed look if it weren't for the faint blush that ghosted his pale cheeks, "isak, isak valtersen, first year. and you are?"

 

even nodded, taking another sip from his beer, "even bech næshiem, third year." he answered. he hummed to himself, taking another sit from the earthy beverage. "isak, pretty name, but i think i'll stick to gorgeous." 

 

isak bit his lip, setting the food he had gathered onto the counter, before turning away from even again to move to the other side of the kitchen to look through the higher cabinets. "i'd like you not to. my name is isak, not 'gorgeous' or 'baby boy'."

 

this caused even to quirk his brows up, and make his way to the other side of kitchen, where isak stood still facing away from him. he placed his drink down to left of isak and lightly pressed himself against the shorter's back, placing his hands gently onto isak's hips.

 

"baby boy? i didn't call you that." the shorter was stiff, his breaths sharp and he didn't dare to move or speak, his unimpressed attitude suddenly caught in his throat. even leant down to isak's ear, "do you like that? like being called baby boy, hmm?" he watched the other's adams-apple bob as he swallowed. the older hummed lowering his head to the space where the shorter's shirt neck line met skin, and lightly dragged his lips over the warm surface, up his neck to his jaw line. once there, he pressed his lips to the skin, pressing a feather-like kiss down, feeling the slight stubble of a spot isak must has missed whilst shaving. to even's surprise, but not disapproval, a choked whine slipped out from the younger's tempting lips. even smirked, that's all the encouragement he needed.

 

much to both of their unspoken dismay, before things could escalate further, the sound of footsteps approaching the kitchen pulled even back into reality. he removed his hands from the younger's hips, stepping back and removing his body from isak's, then reaching over and retrieving his drink.

 

"i'll see you around isak valtersen."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much taking the time to read!
> 
> you're welcome to leave some kudos and comment critiques, questions, rants, start a conversation, or drop some links to other great fics!
> 
> remember every moment of the day matters, so make the most of every second you have.
> 
> until next time!


	3. "du er så jævla hot, isak."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things get a little out of hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a warning i wrote this entire chapter listening to CupcakKe so if this gets a little pg-13 (it does) you know why
> 
> also some people asked for longer chapters, so this is pretty long. enjoy!

_**LØRDAG** _

**11:26**

 

when isak woke up the next morning he was greeted with not only a dull headache, but an extremely uncomfortable hard-on restrained by the jeans that he had inconveniently slept in. he groaned, rolling over and climbing out of his bed to lock his bedroom door. this was a routine he went through more times than he would like to admit. isak had grown accustom to eskild, one of his flatmates, oh-so-casually barging into isak's room; somehow always interrupting when isak was 'taking some alone time'.

 

isak stripped off the restraining jeans before sitting down onto his bed again, and reached into his boxers giving himself the relief he desired. a relaxed sigh left his mouth when his fingers wrapped around himself, closing his eyes and letting his secret fantasies run wild. isak's thoughts slowly started drifting towards a hazy memory from the previous night in the kitchen with the third year boy he had met, even.

 

isak pictures his own hand as the older's, getting him off while showering isak in sinful compliments. he imagined how even would take control of isak as easily as he did the night before, easily making him submit with delicate, intoxicating, touches. isak quickened the movement of his wrist, edging himself to his climax. isak's thoughts drifted back to the end of their conversation last night, and the way even has been so close, that isak could feel the warmth of his breath. how even had been pressed against him, and how he had whispered that innocent name in such a filthy way. 

 

isak bit his lip to hold in a moan, remembering how much the name  _baby boy_  had stirred such an intense feeling of arousal within himself. something so simple, affected him so greatly; or maybe it was just how the pet name sounded coming out of the lips that grazed agonizingly slowly up his neck, and maybe he wanted even to call him that more often. he edged himself to his climax fantasizing what could have happened if even didn't leave. how maybe the older would have dragged him to a bedroom or to back seat of a car. if they ended up against each other again, with no clothes to guard their skin from touching. how maybe even would drag his lips up isak's neck like he had previously, but stopping to mark up the skin. how he would dominate isak with such ease because, god forgive him, isak would give him anything just to get that feeling of such pleasurable anxiety again. isak choked out a loud moan as his muscles let go, letting pleasure wash over his body, and cover his hand.

 

* * *

**_MANDAG_ **

**07:47**

 

**"** _herregud_! i was so close to hooking with her this weekend but when i went to find us a room, she ran off!" magnus whined, referring to vilde, a fellow first year that magnus had been obsessing over ever since he shared a sloppy make-out session with her in a game of spin the bottle, last year. isak glanced over to the said girl, who was standing not far away from him and saw she was wearing a black sweatshirt with the words _'the penetrators 2017'_   printed on the front of it. whilst she was giggling with her friends, she turned around and isak noticed a list of names printed in tiny front, like a sweatshirt you get at a concert, with the tour dates listed. all the names were white, side from 'william' boldly standing out in red. isak had seen these _penetrator_ sweatshirts around the campus but had never put much thought into it. however now looking around the crowed courtyard he noticed the multiple girls and two boys walking around with the black sweatshirts with different names highlighted on the back.

 

so these  _penetrator_ guys fucked around then put their names on the ones they slept with? how incredibly narcissistic and cocky.

* * *

**_ONSDAG_ **

  **11:57**

 

 the next time isak was approached by even, he was struggling with opening his locker.

 

"need a little help there princess?" he could practically hear the smugness in even's voice.

 

isak cleared his throat, failing at his combination once again, "i'm fine, and don't call me that." he rushed out, looking down when he felt his face flush at the memories flashing back to the events of the recent weekend, to the last time these two were alone.

 

even noticed the younger's flushed expression and couldn't help the smirk that settled on his face, "there's a party at chris' this _fredag_ , i want to see you there." he saw how the other was quick to open his mouth, most likely going to quickly decline his offer. "you can bring your friends."

 

isak was silent, trying his combination again, relief filling him when he heard the quiet click from the lock. he thought about even's offer, knowing his friends would instantly agree to come. as long as they were there, isak could cling to them and not actually have to worry about making a fool of himself in front of even again. "yeah, we'll be there."

 

the older nodded, dragging his eyes to take in isak's appearance, when the younger had pulled out his books and turned to finally face even. "is that all?" isak questioned, thankful his tone came off as casual and bored, instead of nervous. the older hummed, licking his lips, and bringing his eyes up to lock with the younger's, " _du er så jævla_ hot, isak." he could feel his confidence boost as the younger's un-bothered composure fell, and his face quickly was covered in a deep blush. "i'll see you _fredag_ baby boy."

* * *

_**FREDAG** _

**22:37**

 

even had always been very impatient guy, and tonight he was burning with it. he had spent the last two hours waiting by the door, greeting guests he could not care less about, to be able to get to isak as soon as he arrived. by this point he had already had a few drinks in his system to cope with the boredom, and somehow a slightly flirty conversation had lead to a second year girl pressed against that wall and even's lips meeting with her's. when he trailed his hand from her waist up to her chest, david, who had accompanied him at the door, pulled him away from the artificial cherry flavored lips and whispered, "there's your boy næshiem!"

 

even's eyes landed on isak, who standing on the door step, behind the group of friends even had seen him with a few weeks prior. isak smiled, joining hands with a tan boy even didn't recognize, and pulling the stranger into a bro-hug. even lightly bit down on the inside of his cheek, feeling a small twinge of jealousy. isak looked so _fucking_ good, clad dark jeans that hugged his legs perfectly and a black and white  _Nike_ sweatshirt that he effortlessly made look like he had just stepped off the runway. guys and girls will definitely be all over him tonight, he looked so god damn inviting. when isak trailed behind a curly haired brunette through the door way, and into the heat of the house party, his gaze met even's, glancing down to his lips as the older licked over them. yeah, even definitely wasn't letting the younger out of his sight tonight. 

 

he smirked at the younger, when he stopped following his friends and approached even to greet him. after the nervous, "hey." that was spoken from the smaller, even pulled the pre-rolled joint from behind his ear, and raised a brow, silently inviting the other.

 

**23:49**

 

isak wasn't sure what had lead to him being lifted up onto the marble bathroom counter, as his back fell back against the mirror hanging above the sink, with even looking into his eyes with pure, hungry, lust. it was either the weed they had been chain smoking together, or the alcohol they had brought along to swallow down after inhaling from the joint too hard. whatever it was, here he was, with even's hips slotted between his thighs, their bodies too close for him to consider allow to happen if he were sober, and even's addictive lips teasingly nipping at the sensitive skin below the corner of his jaw.

 

it was hot, foreign, arousing, and isak realized he had no idea what to do. he was just sitting there, with his hands limp by his sides, resting atop the surface, as he whimpered quietly when feeling even suck and lightly bite at his skin. 

 

it was like even could tell he didn't know what to do, "you can touch me, you can be loud. no one will know it's us." he licked a stripe over the light red mark he had stamped on the pale skin on isak's neck, "what do you want baby boy?"

 

in the back of his mind, isak knew he should have stopped it there. a voice in the back of his mind was screaming at him that this is so incredibly wrong, that he should push even off of him, and run away from this sinful mistake; but the alcohol, marijuana, and over powering feeling of _want_ , told isak this is so right. it told him to lock his lips with the other and fucking _beg_ , "touch me, please touch me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much taking the time to read!
> 
> you're welcome to leave some kudos and comment critiques, questions, rants, start a conversation, or drop some links to other great fics!
> 
> remember every moment of the day matters, so make the most of every second you have.
> 
> until next time!


	4. "who was she?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> confusion. so, so much confusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my god i havent updated this in over a year and just saw an email saying someone recently commented on this asking for an update.
> 
> i've been working on this for hours, literally i started at 6 pm and it's almost 3 am. i have SCHOOL in a few hours.  
> then this chapter had the AUDACITY to lose connection as soon as a fucking finish it and DELETE half. i'm yeeting myself
> 
> i'll explain why i haven't updated in FOREVER in the end notes

**_MANDAG_ **

**11:09**

to say isak felt out of place, would be an understatement. his friends were, as usual, talking about girls and sharing their hookup stories. it all bored isak out of his mind, always hearing his friends talk about the same things like  _"how fucking sexy this girl in geometry is"_ or how magnus was  _"so close to getting laid"_ over-and-over again, like that's all there is in the world. he just wished they would talk about something else for once, so he could finally be apart of the conversation. there was nothing that interested him in the handful of topics his three friends always picked from. there was nothing he could relate to; and he absolutely hated it.

 

his curly haired friend was currently bragging about a third year girl he had followed home from the party that isak had 'dragged' them to, the previous friday. "bro, she was so good with her tongue. she made me cum  _twice_!" jonas exclaimed, leaning back in the plastic cafeteria chair he sat in. this drew out an awe filled gasp from magnus, "twice? can that even happen?"

 

mahdi chuckled at his inexperienced friend's star struck expression before turning the conversation over to the quietest of the table, "what about you isak, did you get any at the party? we lost you like, as soon as we got there." he questioned, the corner of this lips pulling into the slightest of smirks.

 

the attention of the group shifted to isak, and he felt a blush burning up his neck to his cheeks. "w-what? no way man." he rushed out, pathetically trying to lie his way out. jonas saw right through him. the two had been friends for years, jonas could see through the pathetic attempts of lying from a mile away now. he scooted his seat closer to isak, who was sat on his left, and squinted his eyes. he quickly brought his hand up and hooked a finger onto the collar of the baggy sweatshirt that isak had tightly tied, leaving barely skin visible. before isak could piece his friends actions together and shove him away, jonas yanked the material down; exposing the three deep purple bruises that stood out obviously on isak's pale neck. jonas gasped, "no fucking way man, you got laid!" he praised, curiously tugging the material down lower, exposing more shame filled marks.

 

isak shoved his friend's prying hand away, quickly pulling his cover up to return the bruises back into hiding. "what makes you think i got laid? i, they- they're just hickeys. that's it." he stuttered out. and, fuck, isak was mentally cursing to himself for so obviously lying. he was usually an amazing lair, he had lied successfully more times than he could be even remotely proud of. why was he screwing this up so badly, in a time where lying his way out was so necessary? jonas laughed, leaning back into the plastic chair once again, and crossing his arms. "right." he chuckled, "you totally got laid!"

 

mahdi stared at his now, not so innocent, friend; his jaw dropped in shock. after a moment of drinking in this information, he raised his right hand up to his forehead and jokingly saluted, "congratu-fucking-lations bro. i never thought i'd see the day you'd finally get laid." 

 

magnus finally broke his out of character silence, letting out an exasperated groan. "isak really got laid before me." he dramatically dropped his head down onto the surface of the table. he turned his head to look at jonas, whining out, " _isak valtersen_ , the pickiest guy in the entire country, lost his virginity before me." the sandy blonde pressed his face into the table again, before looking up to the ceiling and pressing his hands in a praying manor. "what did i do to deserve this? he doesn't even go to church, i do! h-have you abandoned me god?"

 

mahdi brought his hand up and slapped their over dramatic friend on the back of the head, before leaning over and clapping isak on the back before asking the question the three boys were all wondering, "who was she?" this pulled magnus out of his dramatic breakdown, ready to get the details, he added, "was she good?"

 

_who was she_. she, a girl.  _a girl_ that was supposed to be in the bathroom with isak. a girl that was supposed to be the one to leave the pleasure based marks into isak's skin. isak should have been with a girl, his friends unknowingly confirmed that. yet, there was no  _she_. there was no _girl_. the person who marked isak up, who introduced him to a brand new world of sinful pleasure, was in fact a _he_ , a _male_. a male that did things to isak, made isak _beg_ for things that he wouldn't dare to ever admit, even if someone offered to pay him thousands.

 

isak insecurely pulled the light grey sleeves of his sweatshirt over his hands. his eyes shot down and fixated themselves on the now very interesting white table. this was bad, and isak was panicking. "i, um, i was fucked up, i don't even remember." he mumbled, shying into himself. at this point he desperately wished for his friends to go back to talking about jonas getting laid or for magnus to start asking way too many uncomfortable questions cumming twice again; anything to just get the attention off himself. the want to be included in his friend's conversation had vanished. isak wanted them to stop asking him so many questions he didn't have false answers for, to leave it be. 

 

much to his dismay, his wish was not granted when jonas groaned making it evident he saw through yet another one of his closest friend's lies, "c'mon man. we didn't see you for the whole night, you have got to remember something!" he rolled his eyes before adding, "if you 'can't remember' her name, at least tell us what she looked like." he mocked. he was becoming fed up with isak lying. he, mahdi and magnus were just curious. they could count the amount of girls that isak had hooked up with on one hand. it was rare that isak ever had an encounter with a girl, and the few times that he did, he never went far with it. isak had such a picky taste in women, he always thought that the girls his friends drooled over weren't worth a second glance. there was no way in hell isak didn't remember _anything_ from the girl he had gone so far with.

 

isak bit his lip in frustration. shooting his eyes up to look at his curly haired friend, face painted with a look that his friends had only come across on a few, very rare, occasions. this was anger, and it made itself evident when isak snapped out, "i said i don't remember! why are you all on my ass about this? can you not pull your head out your ass for once and just fucking drop it?" jonas' eyes widened, hurt shining in his eyes as he speechlessly looked at this friend. isak rolled his eyes at jonas' expression, shoving himself away from the table to push his chair back. he huffed and stood up from the table, roughly snatching up his bag from the tiled floor beside him, "i've got an essay to finish." he angrily muttered before walking away from the table and his utterly confused friends.

 

* * *

  ** _MANDAG_**

**22:47**

isak let out a quiet sigh, leaning back into the lumpy pillows that were scattered at the head of his bed. he brought his phone up to his face again to re-read over the messages he had just received from his best friend.

 

**jonas vasquez**

**hey man sorry for what happened at lunch. we shouldnt have interrogated u like that** _22:46_

**but u didn't need to be a dick about it** _22:47_

 

he swallowed, locking his device and dropping his arms down onto the mattress to lay with the rest of his body. maybe he overreacted a little bit and didn't need to lash out on his friends like he did, but they kept pestering him. anyone will snap if pushed one too many times.

 

couldn't they have just accepted that he didn't remember and move on? however the truth was, isak did remember. he remembered every minuscule, graphic, detail. he remembered the freckles on even's jaw, that he pressed his lips against when he was trusted into on top the cool marble of the bathroom counter, as shocks of painful pleasure pulsed through his body. he remembers the silk-like feeling of even's light blonde hair, interlocked between his finger tips as he gripped it, desperately needing something to firmly hold onto. he remembers the overwhelming heat of even's clammy palms that dug into his bare hips, feeling like a burn he couldn't get enough of. he remembered the way even's hauntingly soft eyes glanced up and looked into his own, as they calmed down from their peak. he remembers the foggy mirror through which he watched a blurry silhouette of even shut the door through, as he left the small room ten minutes after they finished.

 

isak remembered everything, and he really wished he didn't. he wished that there was nothing to remember; that he just turned down even's offer to smoke him out in the bathroom, that he just stayed with his friends like he told himself to; or better yet, that he didn't even go to that stupid party. he hated how he fucking loved the feeling of being controlled, he hated how he had never felt so euphoric being so close to another guy. it was wrong. so, incredibly wrong.

 

what isak did was so against everything he had been brought up being told. he slept with someone before marriage, he slept with another _male_. sure, he once got off to the fantasy of his best friend's lips locked with his own and sometimes he liked to think about the italian exchange student in his biology class when the thought crossed his mind ... and, okay, maybe one night he discovered that he really liked the feeling of his fingers rutting inside himself after seeing it in one of his late night videos; but he never imagined his repressed fantasies becoming a _reality_. he never saw himself actually experiencing these secret pleasures with another person; and he sure as hell didn't think he'd be so into such indulgence.

 

he told himself he didn't believe in a god, but he still felt fear for the one he had been raised hearing so much about. the one his mother texted him daily about, to remind him of the eternity of pain and suffering those who disobeyed him endured. the one he got on his knees for one night when he was thirteen, and cried out an apology to because liked kissing a boy over the girls in a childish game of spin the bottle. the one that said that specifically said _"man shall not lie with another man, as he does with a woman."_ in the book of levititcus.

 

isak remembered everything, every minuscule, graphic, detail; and he decided to repress it all deep down to fester alongside the sheer terror he felt for a god he told himself he didn't believe in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi so where have i been this last year?
> 
> tw/ depression, drugs
> 
> fucking up my life. this last year i've been battling with my depression in the worst way. i'm untreated, which is mostly because my parents didn't believe i was ill enough to genuinely need treatment, and also because the U.S. medical system is so god damn expensive for immigrants or those who do not have a luxury insurance. because of this, i began seeking self medicating; meditation, exercise, going out with friends. i then realized my friends were an extremely toxic part of my life due to us all really only knowing each other because we lived in a small town and went to a school with a student body of just over 100. i realized this and ended up moving schools in an attempt to better myself and have a fresh start with friends. however i still felt something wasn't working right in me, and i found myself very occasionally indulging in marijuana.
> 
> this really didn't work out well for me because i ended up getting mixed up with the wrong people and that lead to me forming a toxic relationship with drugs. drugs have not helped settle my depression, however. they're just something i occupy my time with; and because i have dropped all sports i used to play, theater, and choir, i have lots of time. it's been months since i was last sober and i'm not sure when i will be again, because i'm not sure i can pull myself to get myself to lose these friends that have introduced me to this toxic world.
> 
> so yeah basically life is really rough right now and i'm trying to bring myself back to the person i was two years ago. this includes me going back and rewatching SKAM and getting into fandoms i once loved.
> 
> so who knows if i lose the motivation that i have today to keep updating this, we shall see.
> 
> thank you for reading

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much taking the time to read!
> 
> you're welcome to leave some kudos and comment critiques, questions, rants, start a conversation, or drop some links to other great fics!
> 
> remember every moment of the day matters, so make the most of every second you have.
> 
> until next time!


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